True Form

“Hey, Kelce, yo face looks like a homeless anus that got evicted for day drinkin’!” The message, delivered smoothly with accompanying finger-guns, brought the burly, unkempt center to tears.

“Barnett, heard last coach got fired cuz he pedered yo son!”

The shocking revelation caused the defensive end to recoil in disgust.

“Got bad news for ya, Arcega-Whiteside… You ain’t makin’ the team. I guess that ain’t really news tho.”

The “professional wide receiver” snatched up his blankie and fled pouting.

With the locker room cleared, Jalen Hurts Your Feelings reverted to his true form, Jalen Hurts, and regretfully contemplated his deep inner pain and the callous attacks he relies on to hide it.